Last week, I had an interesting discussion with a classmate about life, the universe and everything. The great thing was that she told me she was glad she was not the only one with the same feelings. The bad news is, she isn’t the first student I have had this discussion with. What, you may ask, was our topic? I’m glad you asked, as that is the topic of today’s post.

Ask any medical student about their undergrad education, and many of them will state that college wasn’t too bad. Granted, many will have had a struggle or two (mine was general chemistry and the amount of math involved), but in general, we didn’t have too many difficulties. While we had the stress of maintaining grades, extracurriculars, the MCAT, and medical school applications, we still had time for us: time to spend with our friends and/or significant others, time to spend on ourselves. That all changes when we get here.

There’s an episode of the Simpsons where Homer becomes the spokesman for an energy bar company, and is asked to climb Mount Springfield. He huffs and puffs, and as he thinks he has reached the summit, the clouds part to reveal that he still has a way to top. That’s how this is: we all work towards this goal, and one we are here, we see that we’re nowhere near the top of the mountain.

It isn’t just that the course load is greater (it is), or time has to be managed more efficiently (it does), but one of the tenants of medical school is the creation of a new person. Much like boot camp, the goal is to change how we learn, how we think, how we function. When once we were at the top rung of the ladder, now we exist on the bottom rung. Not many people pulls the scores on exams that they did in undergrad, we all worry about our final grades (we have percentages, not pass/fail which I think adds to anxiety), and we no longer have the time we used to dedicate to ourselves and our loved ones.

I’ve read a few articles about medical school students and depression. Opinions have varied between the students themselves. One blogger stated it was a life altering experience that weighs down upon us. Another thinks it's all a learning experience.

My opinion? I really like caterpillars. You see, caterpillars spend a lot of time in the sun, hanging out and eating and slacking off. But, then, one day, the time comes when they spin their cocoon, and in time, they emerge with wings and a new role. To me, medical school is difficult and time consuming. I’ve had horrible days that I’ve done poorly on exam, where I’ve been tired and sick of everything, and have second-guessed my decision to be here. BUT I’ve had great days working at clinics for low income individuals who wouldn’t have gotten medical care otherwise. I’ve had exams where I’ve done really well, lectures that have taught me so much, and have made friends that make this journey, not easier, but more interesting and fun. I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, and I’ve had days that I wanna kick someone in the butt. However, I know that this too is a learning experience, and while uncomfortable at times, I learn more about medicine, and myself, every day.

Yes, I miss being able to goof off. I wish I had more time to spend with my fianace', but he signed on to this ride knowing all the dangers, and he has been more than accomidating. But in the end, I'll emerge with my wings.

This is a bonus post for today. I'm working on the next "Ask the Future Dr" (aka "Pimp the med student") entry, and it should be ready Thursday evening.